Kids, School, Depression, Food, and Suicide Rate

I'd tack on even more to the title such as eating disorders, obesity, diet pills, etc etc.

We've fallen into an educational trap as Americans. "Uh-oh, China has been beating us; we've got to do the same with our kids."

We have hidden just as much as China when it comes to excessive adolescent and elementary work load. A typical adolescent has well over an 8 hour school workday. Thank God that the FAA wouldn't tolerate many of our kids to fly. They'd pass a drug test, license, and hours. But, tell me if you'd want your pilot flying with a snoozing average of 4-5 hours a night. Medical internships have begun to research the same problem. It's been a life-threatening liability to patients.

Not only have kids faced the "catch up to China" but, they have to be skinny and pretty too. When is a kid supposed to exercise? Exercise and physical movement has always been a kid's physical, mental, emotional stabilizer. Kids sit more than they move. It's not the couch these days. It's the desk/kitchen table. Studying is part of life for us all. But, when do we say, "Time to run, go to practice, eat your meal with humans, laugh, have a friend?" As a culture, we've sent our kids a message about emotions and exercise, "Forget about it and study."

Is it working? Diet pills have made a great comeback. Suicide rates have risen, in hiding. I remember the skinny middle school-aged girl who boasted of not eating for several days.

Enough is enough.

For starters, I didn't blame teachers, the front-runners. We've given them new teaching standards every year with a different grading system every 2 years without their own input. There have always been bad teachers. Not all, but some of the poor teachers have tenure. Great teachers always made the day, still do, golden. We've gotten 4 this year. Yay!

As a society, we have begun to treat our animals with more understanding of temperament, exercise needs, sleep requirements, work needs, than we do our own children. We are wrong! Our kids aren't machines. Successful people have the ability to find their passion, follow their dream not the crowd. Today, the crowd shouts "all study and no play nor exercise."

If a kid doesn't love programming, blood, researching, they will never be a successful programmer, doctor, or attorney. Yes, reading, writing, math, science is vital. But, success at work depends on passion. Take a look at Freddie Roach, extremely successful boxing trainer. He has Parkinson's disease and can train/teach for 11 hours a day. He still feels like he's playing at work. And, doctors say it actually slows his Parkinson's. If he followed the crowd, we wouldn't know his name nor would there be a special about him on HBO.

Here is an article from PBS about a comedian, Kristina Wong, who is helping students talk about depression.

We forget that our kids aren't adults and we are playing a dangerous game with their lives. We must listen and pay attention. They have to know we love them and care about their education, Yes. But, more importantly about them!

I care about my kids and yours!
Christy

Our New Dane

Welcome Home!

We love ya, Bella. You seem to be making yourself right at home... nice and cozy!

Enjoy your weekend, all!
Christy

MMA and Dance Talk

We love it, fight night, we love it. After practice this morning, nearly all women today, I had to stop and think why it was is so much fun.

A real mixed martial artist is learning courage, respect, integrity. It's an art built from work ethic, self-respect, and respect for others. It is quite clear that there is always something to learn. With a good team and wise coach, it's safer than any other sport I've done, yoga included. (I did a sports-like yoga.) I was listening to several champion mixed martial artists. They talk about self respect and work ethic. Mixed martial artist art taught to defend and protect those who are cannot defend themselves or those who are bullied. I wouldn't send my child to class without making sure she had a really good coach who was in complete control of class. The new kid on the block is not a "punching bag." That is not MMA! Find a different class if that's what you are experiencing as a youngster or newbie.

I can say the same for Emma's dance. We've picked the right gym. I know her teachers and the owners. The ambulance isn't being called to the facility every other week for an injured cheerleader next door. I know how she's being taught and how her classmates are taught with self-respect and respect for each other. They help each other and work hard. It's beautiful to watch.

My kids love it. They dance or wrestle with Jim at home. Once our kids found their physical sport with the right coaches and team, they came to life during the school year. It helps with school and life. They don't even whine about getting up early in the morning for practice. They are part of something good, physical, motivating, thoughtful.... I could go on and on. We take them as much as we can. Just as much as exercise clears the cobwebs for work, sports does the same for our kids. They need to move, not sit all day long. Even in a snowstorm we went for a hike because we have to move. We had a blast.

Have fun,
Christy

Being "Mom"

Oh no! It happened again--another how to be a parent list. This one contained over 30 "to do's" just for homework. Our daughter, a junior in public high school, is already doing an average of 4 hours of homework on school nights (not counting weekends and vacation days.) This list would probably put her on suicide watch.

Americans are hilarious. We have such knee-jerk reactions to any negative report. The first people we injure are students and teachers. Slow down there, "Nelly." Balance! Extremes are dangerous. Remember? All or nothing is unhealthy.

The house is supposed to be lived-in, not so clean they can eat off the floor everyday. Family walks are healthy. A mom or dad learn more about the school-day/friends/likes/dislikes on walks or hikes than any other time. Building a fort is a learning experience. Making a mistake while building a fort is even more of a learning experience.

There is no such thing as a perfect kid, mom, dad, family, dog, cat, fish, teacher, blah, blah, blah. There will never be the perfect job. If a kid can't learn how to deal with failure, they will not find happiness nor success.

It's important for my kids to learn to say, "No, I am not going to do that club, I have to work or go to practice." It helps them set priorities, dreams, and goals. And, then there is money. Truth--some kids can't afford all the extras. They are busy pursuing their dreams.

Nobody learns the same way. Factory training isn't healthy for humans. Passionate people figure out how to do things differently and they are successfully happy. Of course kids have to learn to do homework and consequences of choice.

The best book I ever read was the Chocolate Store Owner's book for Mom's. She has happy and successful adult kids. And, she gives more to children's causes than any other business-woman I know. The more we try to live thru our child, the more we lose them. We aren't to abandon them. But, lately, parents are getting the wrong message, "Our kids have to have it all handed to them perfectly, plus some." ... WRONG!

The most productive times in history were when kids, themselves, learned how to create things. (the mud-pie generation.)

Our schools have a parent portal and my kids do homework at the kitchen table. I do not do it for them! It's their homework. I can keep up with what they do (parent portal) and I know how much time is spent doing it. They will get great teachers and poor ones.

I know when they are bored at school. I know which kid is bored with what subject. Do they need something more than what the school can offer? Not every kid has to learn the same way.

My job is spending time with them, cooking with them, listening, loving them, grounding them, letting them drive, etc etc. Showing them options. They get to choose whether or not they want to go to prom, join this club or that, do an in-school sport, or dance club out of school. They can't do it all, just like we shouldn't! It's not healthy, physically, mentally, or spiritually.

So when those lists come around, it's time to hit, "Trash." I love my kids. My kids are too busy to get involved with drinking etc. Plus, my husband always embarrasses the kids by sitting right in the middle of the room in his big ole brown chair when their friends come to the house :)

But, homework, their sport, family time, helping others take up most our time.

Best!
Christy

A Bit Confused

As a family, we still miss our Great Dane, Sally. She was and will always be pretty special to us. We can't get another dog to replace her. But, we know that one day we will be ready, and it's got to be a Dane.

I've been doing a little research and found a breeder who loves Danes and has been breeding them since the 30's. Most of their Danes live approximately 12 years which is unusual for the breed.

The interesting thing about this family is that potential owners of their new pups must sign a special clause. The new owner must promise in writing that they will not over-vaccinate the Dane as a puppy.

What?

Here is a knowledgeable breeder with Champion Danes some of whom are used as assisted pets. They want you to vaccinate. They simply don't want you to over-vaccinate which is very common today. We probably did it with Sally, unknowingly.

If we are learning that vaccinating puppies too much too soon can be harmful, why isn't it okay to question how we vaccinate our own children or ourselves?

I am not against vaccines, by any means. I simply want to understand them before I arbitrarily give my kid a flu shot every year. I want to understand why I would give a child in different weight and height range the same vaccines with the same dosage simply because they are the same age.

The answer isn't "because everyone else is doing it." That is not good enough anymore.

Miss you, Sally!
Christy

Sally, our Dane

We lost our Great Dane yesterday. She suddenly developed a tumor in her liver. In thinking back, Jim realized that she just started going to her crate to sleep at night instead of our room. When you live with a dog, they develop habits, and you know their norms. This was something we didn't recognize. Yes, it was fast. She lived the typical life-span of a Dane. But, she made a great impact on our lives.

She was a part of it, not a simple by-stander. She was a gentle giant, as they say. She loved working with Jim and being a part of his morning breakfast routine. She helped me clean, as I always talked to her while I mopped the floor or folded clothes. She always told Abby when something was wrong. There are so many funny things about this dog. She snuggled with Emma all the time. When Emma was tired Sally never held back a hug.

I have heard from a lot of people who understand. I guess, what I think about it is that we as people really need to love and be loved. We need to be a part of good and gentle. We need kindness. We don't have to be "in the know" all the time. It's never totally accurate anyway. We need to do unto others as we'd have done to us. That's what our pets do. They always give. Sally always loved and she especially loved the ones who needed that extra tender loving care and watchful eye. Somehow, she knew who they were and protected them.

We miss her so very much! Sometimes, people make fun of animal-lovers. But, that's okay. We learn lots of love from our pets, don't we?

Christy

Love what I do

This is "my man" doing what he loves, developing away and walking simultaneously at home. The only new thing is the walking desk. I should also say, an experienced developer is always talking to 6 people at one time, or pairing with a colleague, or involved in some sort of stand-up or daily planning meeting. Social skills are pretty important. But, the whole point is that Jim loves it. He would be board out of his ever-living mind if he couldn't learn and research something new every day.

Me, on the other-hand, didn't really have a computer at my disposal when I was 13 yr old. And, I am still learning. Matter of fact, I am the perfect tester for Jim's new beginner book. But, I would be a bad hire for his current dev job. I am learning to use Sketchbook Pro for iOS games. Getting my brain wrapped around some updated basic programming skills is useful for my goal. I get laughed at as a creative individual because, Jim will say, "You didn't read every single word. Every single character is vitally important to programming. You didn't do what I wrote." After following the instructions again, I find the single little character and smirk. I still feel successful when I hit, "Run" and it works. The more I practice every single character over and over the more it becomes habitual just like everything else. Yet, it is merely a tool for my artwork.

Sometimes parents will tell you what their kid will do/be when they grow up. No matter how hard a kid studies or aces tests at school, they will not be successful unless they passionately love their work. I am not saying that it is wise to spend a fortune on a degree that will never pay for itself. However, choosing to become a doctor, programmer, engineer just because of the money doesn't guarantee they will make it. You must love it or you will get caught in an interview or on the job. It's easy to spot somebody who wants the title on a card. The passionate person can hardly quit talking about their day and what they do. It's isn't just work.

Kids need to learn Math, Science, English, Writing, Reading, Art, Speaking, Finances. But, once parents start choosing career paths, it gets messy every time. It's our turn to listen to what they've loved all along. Sometimes it's scary when they choose our own career path.

Happy Learning.
Christy